Visit The Elkin Tribune Website

Parents find strength in faith

DOBSON - No one should have to suffer the heartache and pain of burying their children.

But through immense faith, Paul and Rebecca Bunke have managed to turn a devastating blow to their family into hope for the future and inspiration for others to treasure their own children.

Photo courtesy of the Bunke family

Philip Bunke, 5, and his older sister, Sara, 6, visit their grandfather's gravesite at Snow Hill Baptist Church in Dobson a week before the accident that took both of their lives.

"The first thing to come to my mind is for anybody who thinks about us is that we're thankful to God for his grace and through a time like this, if anybody sees any strength in us or any faith in us, it's not of us it's from Him," said Paul Bunke.

"Also, to thank our friends and family and this community for an unbelievable outpouring of love and support to us through this time. It's just been incredible. We haven't had to fix a meal from scratch since the accident happened."

On Monday, Aug. 4, Paul, his wife and five other children lost their only daughter and sister, Sara, 6, when an allegedly drunk driver hit the pickup truck Paul was driving. Sara and two of her brothers, Paul Jr. or P.J., 7, and Philip, 5, were passengers.

Sara was killed on impact and Paul, P.J., and Philip were rushed to Wake Forest University Baptist Medical Center in Winston-Salem where Philip died two days later from injuries he sustained in the wreck.

More than a month after the accident, the love and caring from the community, the strength of their faith and the memory of Sara and Philip have inspired the Bunkes to share what the ordeal means to them and their future.

"We're going to miss seeing them grow up, but we know where they are and we know they're OK," Paul said.

A week before the accident, what their father describes as the most recent, good photograph of Sara and Philip was taken at their grandfather, Jim Holyfield's graveside at Snow Hill Baptist Church.

A week after, as soon as doctors allowed Paul to leave Baptist, Sara and Philip were laid to rest at the same cemetery.

A ceremony was held Monday, Aug. 11, at Temple Baptist Church in Mount Airy. The building with a 900-person capacity was almost filled by the people who gathered to pay their respects.

Amazing many who did not believe he was even able to leave the hospital, Paul managed to gather his thoughts and strength, write several pages of emotionally moving and uplifting eulogy on both Sara and Philip and convey it to the many guests, including all five of his siblings and their children and colleagues from more than 60 Edward Jones offices.

"We had lots of comments from people that said that they felt better when they left the funeral than when they came," Paul said. "If you think about that, going to a funeral for two children, that's amazing, that's a miracle."

"It's because now they are more alive than they ever were here," Rebecca said. "That's how we keep going.

"We've cried about a million tears. We want to make sure people don't think we're not feeling, but we're determined to make them (Sara and Philip) proud of us at how we're doing after all this because they're still watching us.

"My concern is I don't want to focus on the accident. We just want to focus on what we have left and tell about how wonderful Philip and Sara were."

Paul and Rebecca were living in Panama City, Fla., when she became pregnant with Sara, but moved back to Rebecca's hometown of Dobson in time for the doctors at Hugh Chatham Memorial Hospital to bring the new addition into the world on Jan. 29, 1997.

Sara, a biblical name meaning "princess," was an energetic, talented and nurturing child who was as feminine as any girl could be, but never hesitated to roughhouse with her brothers and come home caked in mud.

She was active in gymnastics, could play the piano and catch frogs with her brothers.

"Sara was our first and only girl, so she was very special in our family," Paul said. "Sara was very nurturing. Being one of the older kids in the house, she was like a little mother to the others. She was kind of feminine and prissy and tough at the same time.

"She was very feminine and into all the ballet and princess stuff and Barbies and all that, but yet at the same time she could get out with her brothers and tromp around in the mud and catch frogs. On our place over there on Hamlin Road, we had a big pond down there and there were frogs in it and stuff so they liked to do that."

P.J. remembers well the times he had with his little sister.

"She picked at me," he said excitedly from his wheelchair in the Bunke living room. "That's the best thing she did really well. She played baseball, all kinds of stuff. That was about the funest thing that we could do."

Philip, the third child, was also very active, as well as being a quick learner with an inquisitive mind.

"Philip had just turned 5, July 23," Paul related. "I'll tell you what, right from the beginning we knew Philip was going to be something else. He was full of mischief - you can just about tell by looking at his picture. He was very, very smart, very affectionate."

Philip began reading, writing cursive and working through math problems when he was 3 years old.

"We home school our kids, so we had home-schooled PJ, Philip and Sara, and Philip had actually finished the kindergarten a year early and was already starting first grade at 5."

While it was not an option in Sara's case, Philip's last gift to several people was that of life.

His heart was transplanted to a 6-year-old boy in Georgia.

A 7-year-old boy in Tennessee was saved with Philip's liver.

A 38-year-old North Carolina man was given a second chance at life when he received Philip's pancreas and one kidney.

Philip's other kidney extended the life of a 59-year-old North Carolina man.

Parts of his eyes were also donated.

As those people recover thanks to Philip's gift, so do Paul and P.J.

"I feel like that there must be some special work for P.J. and for me to do," Paul said. "The fact that we survived that accident - it's all part of God's plan."

The strength which carried the Bunkes through the accident and funeral can still be seen in everything they do, including healing.

Paul still hobbles a little after surgery to clean a deep gash in his left knee that took 17 staples to close, but has no problem mustering a hearty laugh when he and P.J. talk about the father-son rivalry they have over PlayStation II baseball games - the video games and console were a gift to P.J. from employees of a local car dealership.

The video games, his family and his nature help to keep a shy smile on P.J.'s face. Even though he is still confined to a hospital bed and wheelchair, his spirit is high and his recovery is progressing.

"P.J.'s least favorite part of his day is called pin care, where they have to go and clean these pins that are in his legs . That's not a whole lot of fun for any of us, least of all him," Paul said.

A retired nurse who left from her home in Rockford, Ill., as soon as she heard the news, Paul's mother, Darleen, is able to ease a tremendous burden when it comes to home health care. Rebecca's post-operation experience with one of their other boys, Peter Joseph, has also come in handy.

"When they think about an example of a young mother, she's it," Paul said, taking a moment to brag about his wife while she was out of the room. "She's just been great."

Family is just the beginning of the many types of support the Bunkes have received.

Paul's fervor for the game of baseball and his Illinois roots make his and P.J.'s team of choice the Cubs and Sammy Sosa their favorite player.

"Somehow somebody got in touch with the Cubs organization and told them about our family's story with the accident and everything and one day before the ball game we got a call," Paul said. "A lady was on the phone identifying herself as being with the Cubs and asked was P.J. there. We put it on speaker phone and Sammy Sosa came on the line. It was awesome, and then not long after that they sent us a little goody bag."

The bag contained a ball and picture autographed by Sosa.

"P.J. can't remember what Sosa said," Paul recalled. "He was still a little out of it. This was right after a week after surgery and he didn't 'wake up' until after about nine days after the accident. So I mainly talked to Sammy."

"I'm going to go bragging around," P.J. added.

Sosa's telephone call, a variety of benefits, donations to the Bunke Family Memorial Fund and the Surry Soccer league dedicating this season to Sara and Philip and naming Paul and P.J. as an honorary coach and player are all examples Paul cites of community support.

"We've had lots of people from all over the place, I hate to even start naming the businesses and individuals that have given to the memorial fund. But our intentions are this, it has helped us financially with some of the expenses we've had, and then also if there's money left over, which we think there will be, we intend to do some good with it. We've made a couple small contributions already to different places."

Before the accident, the Bunkes were planning to move from their home on Hamlin Road to Holyfield's on Cave's Mill Road. As Paul and P.J. recuperated in the hospital, family and friends made the move for them.

Now, Paul, Rebecca and the boys have visitors stopping by at all times of the day to say hello and offer any conversation or help.

"We basically want to thank everybody…we just want the whole community to know how much we appreciate their love and support," Rebecca said.

That support and their four boys have had a great deal to do with Paul and Rebecca's ability to keep from falling into depression from their loss.

Peter Joseph, 3, has Down syndrome and has battled through many corrective surgeries. The latest additions to the Bunke family are 9-month-old twins, Caleb and Joshua.

"They're the happiest little babies you have ever known," Paul said. "They do a lot to keep us from getting depressed.

"One of the things we felt was it was the right thing to do to have such a large family. Obviously it was a priority in our lives. How many couples do you know are both 31 and they have six children? Nowadays that's pretty rare."

It is family that Paul and Rebecca wanted and it is family which will help them through this ordeal.

"Paul is the greatest dad there has ever been," Rebecca said, taking her turn to brag about her husband. "One thing I've thought about is not to blame him for any of this. We need each other and that relationship intact to get through this."

As Paul, Rebecca and their children struggle to honor the memories of Sara and Philip, they can already see the silver lining around an otherwise gray cloud.

They have heard and seen the impact of their story on other families and realize there is much more to Sara and Philip's deaths than what can be seen on the surface.

"We're hearing parents telling us that they're spending a little bit more time with their kids," Paul said. "They're telling their kids they love them. They're maybe not so stressed out about life to spend a little more time at home and treasure the people they care about. I think it has helped other people's faith by hearing us.

"There's a lot of opportunity for good to come out of this and we're absolutely determined that that's what's going to happen.

"We're hoping people will look at this situation and realize how short life is and to love their kids and cherish every moment with them."

Anyone interested in making donations to the Bunke Family Memorial can contact either Community or First Citizen Banks or attend Granite City Rods and Machines' monthly cruise-in Sept. 27 and Edward Jones' family fun day at Fisher River Park, Oct 24. For more information contact Ben at The Tribune, 835-1513 or The Bunkes' website at http://home.triad.rr.com/bunkefamily/.

Home Family PJ Sara Philip Scripture Links Itinerary